Enneagram, Core Values, Issues... woah

I'M A SIX?

SO... I get my Enneagram test result, which states, "you are most likely a type 6 or a 7." The first question that pops into my head is, "I'm closest to the devil?" I sit here wondering if this test is completely accurate or if I am mostly a 7 and have a certain number of type six traits. As I skimmed through the type 6 description, I secretly agreed with a lot of the traits. For example, I am always looking up to someone in authority, someone who I can believe in. The common characteristics I have with this type are my loyalty to friends who can prove themselves honest, the concealment of my small fears, and my hidden insecurities. However, I am not anxious often, I have never taken the dangerous physical approach to a situation, and I never feel robbed of peace in my mind. A type 7 seems to be more like me because I am open- minded, I am afraid of negative thinking, I have multiple skills, I sometimes avoid pain emitted from others, etc. I can conclude that... yes, I am often viewed as a perfect 7 on the outside, but deep down, I have the power to conceal my type 6 characteristics... that's awesome! Okay, thank you Enneagram for digging deeper!

Core Values:

1. Motivation and Influence

2. Achievement (Mastering something)

3. Dreams- Anything to do with dreams: dream analysis, dream interpretation, acting through dream analysis (what I'm currently working on)

Issues:

Judgement

The RIGHT Answer

Time

Perfectionism

Mind and Body Interaction

(Still thinking of more...)

Youth in Revolt: The Truth Behind our Teenage Persona

I've recently finished watching the film, Youth in Revolt starring Michael Cera. I must say, so much plot and meaning was packed into this simple movie. The film follows a vulnerable teenage boy who views society as a monotonous blockade, preventing him from indulging in what he constantly yearns for: freedom and self-awareness. Nick (Michael Cera) comes from a constraining home environment with his divorced mom and her abnoxious boyfriend. Moving to the country side, Nick meets an attractive young woman who lives life with confidence, wisdom, and intuition. He is very drawn to this girl probably because she makes him want to feel free-spirited and ultimatedly rebellious: the characteristics of most teenage minds. The plot takes a twist when Nick finds out that he must create a villainous alter ego in order to win the heart of this girl. With Clint Eastwood mannerisms and evil characteristics, the violent alter ego helps Nick gain confidence and battle against his insipid identity.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this what most teenagers yearn for in life? We don't want to be villainous, but we do want more out of our average lifestyle. We occasionally give into temptations in order to obtain that extra step beyond normality and average living. Isn't this what we all need: a revolt against our repetitive High School weeks and our constant teenage pressure? In reality, everyone has a rebellious side because deep down, we hate aspiring to be perfect and we hate when others block our freedom of expression or opinion. Youth in Revolt taught me to live my life peacefully without worrying about validation or the so-called "ideal lifestyle." I found that we must be independent, free-spirited, and unique to live a life worth remembering.

The character work is something in itself. Who knew the innocent Michael Cera could play such an intimidating corrupted role? I was drawn in by this new side to the actor. If sweet guiltless Michael Cera took on such a nasty character, I should be able to do the same in the spring musical, Carousel. It's not every day that your evil twin helps a great amount. Five stars, go see this movie!

A Petrifying Improv Session

I was struck by various unfamiliar emotions yesterday, during our STAC improv session. Based on my recent studies of evil character roles, this was ultimately a large step forward for a happy guy like me. I realize now that walking across the stage in the beginning was helpful in building a character I hadn't planned in advance. I chose a grumpy old soldier towards the beginning, which evolved into a frustrated middle-aged man desperate to seek his son. I don't know if this happened to anyone else, but as I was sitting in the audience, I began to black out a bit, lose my sense of self-awareness, and tune out all of the good in my heart. Everything in my mind was focused on finding that damn thing I lost! Actually rising from my seat, pushing through the other students made my frustration rise, along with the anticipation to find my son. Honestly, I started to picture Daniel Day Lewis' villainous features and mannerisms as Luke started to interview each of us. I may have planned a little too much only because I wasn't used to these type of character traits.

The big step for me was not thinking so much in Douglas' mind, but more within the characters body. During my first few questions, I was devastated and anxious to leave that auditorium in search of my son. I couldn't even look up at the speaker because I was petrified to admit a mistake, I personally didn't make. Where was this wall (shielding my real emotions) coming from? When I finally did look up at Luke, I saw him as a stranger searching through my abstract past as if he didn't know me at all. The anger built because he was blocking me from getting to what I wanted and I felt that he was validating my (or my character's) sense of helplessness. Then, I began to feel my eyes get red because I was no longer able to grasp onto a happy memory, or a familiar face, or a common setting. The emotion didn't feel like acting at all because I wasn't thinking of anything else but what I yearned for. Lizzie and I agreed, it was a struggle to get out of character towards the end of our interviews. Usually when I act, I become so distracted by the audience or characters on stage that my mind becomes focused on impressing, rather then character awareness. I still continue to search for the simplest strategies (like this one) that help reverse my usual character roles and master the art of emotional expression without trying too hard.

Songwriting Potential Activity: Created by Douglas Fabian

SOO... I was searching through my Itunes library today, while strumming on guitar, and humming various melodies in my head. Suddenly, I was struck by lightning.... no! I thought of a quick writing strategy that I decided to test on a blank piece of blog paper...

First, take about three or four lyrics from one of your favorite songs (one that potentially "speaks to you") and write those lyrics out. My lyrics, "A Beautiful Mess" were taken from one of Jason Mraz's originals.

Now, I take these lyrics, put them on the top of the paper and start a poem without that much brain work (let emotions guide the writing):

Beautiful Mess

you are inching towards my core

Partnered with distress

you erase your sensible path

leaving a speck left to laugh

Do you indulge in masks?

Do you bare what words make you tear?

I'm surrounded now by your skill

fascinated by your strategy

we're here, we're always here

We just keep on waiting for your sound to be heard

______________________________________

Analyze your poem for a minute...

Next, I took my favorite line from this poem and started another, and so on...

To take it one step further, I tried turning this poem into a new song, with a total different melody and rhythm. It transforms the meaning. I really hope you can all give this a shot! It's fun, especially with an instrument nearby.

I find that this activity is really intriguing. The artist isn't just sitting down and writing a poem out of the blue, he/she must take lyrics that can be related to and combine those lyrics with inner expression and emotion. We all put our trust in music to take over our minds, so why not let music have a mind of its own and analyze our inner-self. Try it out!

A JOYful Workshop

This afternoon at 2:35 PM, all of the confident STACies in Joy's acting workshop packed up their monologues with unhappy grins, eagerly rushing to snap a picture with the well accepted instructor. I was one of these disappointed students capturing the memory because our time with this talented actress, who we barely got to know, was officially over. Anyone in that workshop can agree with me when I say that Joy is extremely confident in her field of work and has total respect for aspiring actors and actresses. She sustains an eloquent persona and constantly emits positive energy in her tone of voice, her mannerisms, and her unique personality. Handling constructive criticism professionally, Joy took her time in focusing on our characters and pointed out anything minor that we could fix in our pieces. For example, Joy would constantly enforce breath placement within our monologues to avoid tension and reduce the distraction of our nerves. At the same time, Joy would leave us thinking about the characters depth and the general subtext of our prepared monologues. The most effective strategy I picked up from this workshop, was to let the character have a purpose for everything he says, not just for the opening lines. This purpose will come from focusing on someone in front of you that has extreme significance in the subject of the monologue.

I admire Joy's availability, her dedication to each member of the group, and her ability to recognize our specific talents.

Overall, The workshop was extremely productive and captivating; however, it would have been better to have at least four more days with Joy because most of our time with her seemed rushed. She is such a knowledgeable actress, and if the workshops weren't so rushed, we could have grown even farther in the monologues and character study. I possibly could have tackled the other monologue I prepared. I think I speak for the whole group when I say, "Joy is welcome again anytime!"

I would also really enjoy making the documentary about Joy, portraying all of these unique qualities.

Perfectionism: My New Frenemy?

I've noticed... I've been navigating the world creatively without even knowing...

Recently, I have pondered the process of "getting things done" artistically and how much of a perfectionist I am in the process. When it comes to my main disciplines, I am quick to express my art; however, the process is intense and at times, nerve-wracking. A few weeks ago, I found the perfect thing to help me express my talent and at the same time, force me to admire perfectionism in a way. I'm sure you all heard of the "talent-craving" site: YouTube. Recently, my sister and I took on a challenge to put up three videos a week incorporating our vocals, guitar, and piano. At first, It was simple to start the channel because we're so used to jamming and connecting with music. However, once that camera hit our face, the thoughts of "what the world will think of this" and "are these good enough?" slithered through our minds.

Our channel consists of various covers of hit songs, incorporating our distinct harmony. This is the intense process: pick a song, memorize the lyrics, practice with guitar and vocals, add harmony, and record as many times until we enjoy the product. At times, I find this channel humorous because we OBSESS over this modern passage to fame. However, it's our passion (so we have no reason to get bored of it), and it's great practice for guitar, vocals, and ear training. Although my sister and I can re-record and press rewind, the channel keeps us determined and makes perfectionism significant in good music. Without the constructive criticism left in the comment box and without the over-practicing, Nat and I wouldn't be able to improve in our future videos. I think there should be an exception to the rule: when the product of perfectionism creates boundaries and blocks, we should avoid it. But when perfectionism surrounds us with confidence and beneficial hard work, we're allowed to cling to it more...

I hope you can all come check out our channel and follow us on this journey: http://www.youtube.com/dougandnat

STAC: The Journey so Far...

Lately, STAC has been altering my perspective on acting, causing me to view my discipline with a broadened mind, and see the world with open eyes. The space between reality and my invisible acting bubble has diminished within the past year. In other words, my acting is becoming exceedingly realistic, I am attentive to all surrounding actors, and my mind is constantly gearing away from judging the roles that I take on.

Ever since the repeating exercise, my mind is always focused on the emotions of the other actor or the other actor’s state of mind, as opposed to directing my attention to strictly reading the dialogue. This technique is decreasing the space between reality and my acting bubble by helping me gain more attentiveness onstage. I’ve learned that acting is reacting to emotions, facial expressions, and tone of voice. My analysis of opposing actors is constantly allowing my characters to develop. I now find myself looking into the eyes of actors as I say my lines, anticipating what they could say next (as if I didn’t know the script at all). I am also studying frightening/angry actors that play intimidating roles with pessimistic personalities. When watching Daniel Day Lewis dominate as the intimidating oil prospector in There Will Be Blood, I was struck by his acting ability to repeat his lines two times, sometimes with contrasting emotion and tone, and deliver brand new meanings to the viewer. Overall, what made his anger develop was his mindset and subtext behind each line, which he most likely provided by himself (on his own time). His emotions were most likely conveyed easier through his ability to restrain from judging his character. I’ve learned this year that judging a character is never successful in getting a purpose across; it is the true understanding of where your character is coming from, the characters perspective on his surroundings, that make actors form real life situations for the audience. It is fascinating how Daniel Day Lewis has taught me all of this from portraying his true interpretation of his character within There Will Be Blood.

I still find myself battling the destruction of this bubble, wanting to keep it shut as I go on with my navigation through life as an artist. I still find that I am judging the roles that I take on. For example, I tend to form extreme hate for one character that I play in The Dining Room. I am finding that it is better to travel behind the eyes of the character, view the prompt with his negative perspective. I’ve been trying to attach real life situations to these intense characters in the play, and if this is too difficult, I pay closer attention to the opposing actor, developing emotion that is dug up from a deeper subtext, one that I could relate too. I am now finding a way to incorporate some of this into my music and lyrics…