A Petrifying Improv Session

I was struck by various unfamiliar emotions yesterday, during our STAC improv session. Based on my recent studies of evil character roles, this was ultimately a large step forward for a happy guy like me. I realize now that walking across the stage in the beginning was helpful in building a character I hadn't planned in advance. I chose a grumpy old soldier towards the beginning, which evolved into a frustrated middle-aged man desperate to seek his son. I don't know if this happened to anyone else, but as I was sitting in the audience, I began to black out a bit, lose my sense of self-awareness, and tune out all of the good in my heart. Everything in my mind was focused on finding that damn thing I lost! Actually rising from my seat, pushing through the other students made my frustration rise, along with the anticipation to find my son. Honestly, I started to picture Daniel Day Lewis' villainous features and mannerisms as Luke started to interview each of us. I may have planned a little too much only because I wasn't used to these type of character traits.

The big step for me was not thinking so much in Douglas' mind, but more within the characters body. During my first few questions, I was devastated and anxious to leave that auditorium in search of my son. I couldn't even look up at the speaker because I was petrified to admit a mistake, I personally didn't make. Where was this wall (shielding my real emotions) coming from? When I finally did look up at Luke, I saw him as a stranger searching through my abstract past as if he didn't know me at all. The anger built because he was blocking me from getting to what I wanted and I felt that he was validating my (or my character's) sense of helplessness. Then, I began to feel my eyes get red because I was no longer able to grasp onto a happy memory, or a familiar face, or a common setting. The emotion didn't feel like acting at all because I wasn't thinking of anything else but what I yearned for. Lizzie and I agreed, it was a struggle to get out of character towards the end of our interviews. Usually when I act, I become so distracted by the audience or characters on stage that my mind becomes focused on impressing, rather then character awareness. I still continue to search for the simplest strategies (like this one) that help reverse my usual character roles and master the art of emotional expression without trying too hard.